When love and physical attraction hits you, it doesn't matter anymore what that person's past was or who she is at present. Everything that's behind her becomes insignificant. What matters is that you feel strongly for this person, and the feeling is mutual.
After all, love conquers all and defies all odds. But what if she has kids? This is something that requires major consideration if you intend to date a woman who has a huge responsibility in her hands.
Evidently, dating a woman with kids is more challenging than you can imagine, especially if she is a dedicated and responsible mother. You have to accept that she has a different set of priorities and her task as a mother to her kids is lifelong.
Therefore, before jumping into a relationship, it's advisable to date each other for a certain period of time to assess if it's feasible to take things to the next level.
So, how is it like to date a woman with kids? How is it any different from dating a woman who has no serious obligations? What are the chances of having a successful relationship with her? Here's some advice if you're in this position right now.
1. Don't think of her kids as excess baggage.
When dating a woman with kids, be sensitive enough to understand the different roles she has to play. Listen intently if she's talking about her kids and make her feel that you accept all aspects of her life – including her struggles and difficulties.
Remember that you're dating someone who has bigger priorities. This means that you have to be careful enough not to give away the impression that you see her kids as excess baggage or that it would have been better if she had none.
2. Make her feel that she's still desirable.
Women with kids are very vulnerable. In fact, some feel that dating is no longer a priority since they are already mothers. Some may even have a strong sense of insecurity, especially if they are dating single men who have never been married and never had kids. Despite all the circumstances surrounding you, make her feel that she's still attractive and desirable by treating her like a lady.
Simple things like opening the door for her, holding her chair, giving her sincere compliments, and appreciating the time she's giving you, can all make her feel loved and special.
Other things you can do to make her feel desirable are; randomly sending her flowers, calling her during your free time just to check on her, and texting her regularly just to let her know that you're thinking about her. No matter how small, your sweet gestures can make her feel special in a lot of ways.
3. Don't make a big deal out of her past.
While you're in the dating process, avoid bringing up her past and making a big deal out of it. If you're serious about her, make her feel that you are willing to give her a fresh start and that you see her past as a closed chapter in her life.
Besides that, many things deserve more attention, such as the present and perhaps, your future together.
Therefore, it doesn't make sense to inquire about her past relationship just to seek answers for your own satisfaction. Keep in mind that her past is something that you have to accept and respect if you want to become a part of her life.
4. Adapt to the situation.
Dating a woman with kids is not similar to dating women who have no obligations. There will be times when your dates have to be canceled because her kids need her more, and there would be instances when "motherhood" would get in the way of your plans. In this case, you have to adapt to the situation and be more understanding.
Oftentimes, your patience and resilience would be put to the test. Hence, both of you should come up with certain agreements and a whole lot of compromises. This would make it easier for both of you to suitably adjust, so you can avoid feeling guilty whenever your dates don't go according to plan. On your part, you also have to prove that you're mature and reliable enough to make adjustments when the situation calls for it.
5. Be a "friend" to her kids.
Make her kids feel that they can trust you by introducing yourself as a "friend". Try to act pleasantly, but avoid trying too hard, and never bribe them with material things. Remember that if your intentions are good, they would see that right through you. Just try to be more natural and friendly to overcome any tension that might emerge from the situation.
As long as you are sincere and not faking your kindness, her kids would warm up to you and eventually see you as their friend. So take your time and let nature take its course because you cannot impose acceptance on anyone.
6. Avoid acting like a "father figure" to her kids.
Just because you are dating their mom doesn't mean that you have to be a father figure to them. Whether her kids are fond of you or not, you are not in the right position to assume anything while you're still in the dating phase. Acting as a father to her kids can create a lot of tension and conflict in your relationship, particularly on the aspect of discipline and parental obligation.
Remember that the kids have a father, and there would be times when his presence is more essential than yours. In this case, you need to take a step backward whenever necessary to remind yourself where you stand. Knowing your place in your relationship with her and with her kids can spare you from many disappointments and frustrations.
7. Be understanding if she has to communicate with her ex.
If she's co-parenting with her ex- or they have joint custody to their kids, expect to hear a lot about it. This is something that can potentially shake your relationship if you are not understanding and adaptable enough.
School events like family sports fest, family day, recognition day, and graduation are just some occasions that they would essentially celebrate together as a family.
Some schools also conduct "father and son" camping and "father and daughter" dance. As you would expect, the father of her kids would be there specifically if he is a hands-on parent. The same thing goes when they are trying to discipline their kids or solve certain issues that involve them.
These are just some things that you can expect if you're dating a woman with kids. Given all these circumstances, you'll need to be more giving, considerate, and flexible in all areas of her life where her ex- is concerned.
8. Don't demand time and attention from her.
Dating a woman with kids requires a strong sense of maturity. This means that you have to be mature enough to know when your involvement and presence are necessary and when they are not. In this sense, don't demand time and attention from her, especially if it would affect her responsibility as a mother to her kids.
A demanding attitude can cause a lot of strain in your relationship and negatively impact your dates or the time you spend together. Instead of making demands, try to meet halfway and find a solution that works best for both of you. You can also make compromises that satisfy each other's wants and needs in the relationship.
9. Make her realize that she's not just a "mom" but also a "woman".
Women who have kids tend to forget themselves. This is understandable given the fact that motherhood is an overwhelming responsibility. Thus, they develop a mindset that their life is all about taking care of their kids and raising them to become good individuals. They overlook the fact that they are also women who deserve to be happy and have a life partner.
If you are serious about dating a woman who has kids, you have to make her feel that motherhood is just one aspect of her life. The other half has something to do about her being a woman – someone who deserves love, security, and protection from a man who can offer her everything she needs.
So make her feel that motherhood should not get in the way of finding her own happiness and satisfying her own needs as a woman. As long as she's not neglecting her responsibilities to her children, she has every right to fill up her own needs.
10. Never make promises that you cannot keep to her or her kids.
If you're dating a woman with kids, expect to have a "packaged deal". So never-ever make promises that you cannot keep to her and her kids, most especially. When this happens, you are not just disappointing her but her kids as well. That's doubling the damage and doubling the injury. It is also a sign of recklessness and unreliable, and that's the last thing she'll ever need.
Remember that a woman with kids, whether she's a single mom or not, already has a lot of load on her shoulders. False promises and empty words would only add up to the weight and cause an unnecessary burden. The least that you could do is be careful when making promises or avoid making one if you are unsure about fulfilling it. Keep in mind that your actions can convey more than your words.
11. Respect her priorities.
A woman with kids has different priorities from a woman who has none. Motherhood can significantly change a woman's goals and aspirations. This is something that you have to respect. For example, she might be saving up all her money for her kids' education, or she's devoting all of her weekends exclusively to her kids.
Whatever her priorities are, you have to give way. Don't think of it as unfair or unreasonable because most single women with kids are willing to give up dating if it means being the best mother they can be.
The least that you could do is to show respect and support to her priorities. Obviously, this is the ultimate test to your feelings. If you really care for her, you'd understand her priorities and patiently wait for the right time to enter into her life. Otherwise, you're free to move on. It's a tough call, but it all depends on how much you're willing to give and how long you're willing to wait.
12. Accept that some people won't understand you.
Dating a woman with kids can be very challenging and overwhelming in a lot of ways:
- You have to accept that not all people would understand, especially if you're single with no kids and prior commitment.
- There's a chance that you'll hear a lot of criticisms and judgments, even from your own family and friends.
- You may need to justify the situation, even though there's nothing questionable or wrong about it.
Despite all of these, if you're certain about how you feel, why would their opinions matter? In the end, your happiness is far more important than pleasing other people.
It is always possible to have an amazing and happy relationship with a woman who already has kids. Remember that every relationship goes through challenges and obstacles, with or without the involvement of kids.
Don't allow her situation to stop you from pursuing your feelings for her. With a lot of understanding and patience on your part (and on her part as well), there's no reason why you cannot be just as successful as any other couple.