So there's a girl who's caught your eye-- she's beautiful, fun, and everything you could've dreamed of. You may not know her well. Or perhaps you've known of her for years but just never really talked. But something happened that you may not be used to: you don't know how to talk to her.
The first step to getting the girl is knowing how to start a conversation with her. Since communication makes up a large percentage of any time at the beginning of the dating process, it is essential to keep a girl interested in the conversation.
How to Start the Conversation
1. Introduce yourself.
This is the simplest way to break the silence and get a conversation going. A girl is more likely to keep talking to you if she knows who you are. This way, she can tell her friends that she met "Trevor" today instead of "that random guy from accounting" that approached her. It can be scary to make that first move, but your name is a neutral place to start.
2. Compliment her.
A small compliment can go a long way. You just may say one thing and completely make her day. Words of kindness can mean a lot to anyone, and most of them are not seen to mean any harm. But you have to be careful not to be too forward with your compliment, as some girls will see that as off-putting. You don't want to make her uncomfortable because that would automatically shut the door of opportunity.
3. Ask about her day.
Sometimes, all a girl wants is someone curious and willing to listen. So when you ask her how her day is going, you make that first step into asking that question every day. She may only provide a few words, or she may go into detail about the craziness of her day. No matter what, you need to show her that you are listening to what she is saying, and making statements or asking more questions along the way will show that you are engaged.
4. The classic pick-up line.
I don't recommend this as a top option, but it does amuse some girls. If you're trying to look cool and smart, I wouldn't go this route. Usually, the more fun-spirited and goofy guys are the ones who get away with a good pick-up line. Just try to keep it fun and light-hearted so she doesn't get creeped out or feel offended in any way. It's a great conversation starter, especially if you can make her laugh.
5. Ask a question that pertains to your situation.
Maybe you're waiting in a long line to see a show, or you're both walking to class. Finding something that you both have in common is a great way to break the ice. It ensures a way to carry on the conversation since you will have something to say about the matter. The more you have to relate to each other, the better a conversation will flow.
6. Ask for her opinion.
Even if you don't know her, showing that you are validating her thoughts and opinions is a great way to start a conversation. Maybe you are trying to figure out how to get to the library, or you need a great restaurant to go to. If you approach her and ask what she thinks, it's likely to both amuse and flatter her. A great example of this would be to ask for study tips or advice for the next test for college students.
If you work with her, you could inquire about her thoughts on a project you are working on. Reaching out to her on her thoughts is a great way to start a pattern of doing so, where she will always be able to think of you as the guy who values her opinion.
How to Keep Her Interested
So, you've started a conversation. She knows your name and has maybe learned a small fact about you. But as the moment grows to silence, how do you carry on and keep the flow going?
1. Bring on the humor.
If you're a funny person, this will never fail. Laughing is a feel-good act, and getting a girl to laugh will make you much more attractive in her eyes. Comedy can be awkward, as well, so it might be the route you are most comfortable taking. If she finds you funny, then she's going to keep talking to you. If you find yourself joking about coping most days, then this will be the method for you.
2. Talk about current events/pop culture.
Most people watch the news or log into Twitter every so often. If they have social media or watch TV, odds are they know a little bit about what is going on in the world. You may not have all the same beliefs or opinions, but it is a great way to discuss something you both may have common knowledge of. This is also a great way to get to know a lot about her and what she is passionate about.
3. Don't forget about body language.
Although hers is important, don't forget about your own. You may be nervous, but you should try to keep eye contact to show her that you are interested in what she has to say. Keep your body pointed towards her. If you focus on her movements and the way her body is positioned, you will be able to get a better feel for her interest in the conversation. You won't want to push for more conversation if it seems that she is all tapped out.
4. Common interests.
There are millions of things to ask anyone about themselves. What their favorite color is, what restaurant they love, where they went/go to college, etc. If you're interested in this girl, you'll want to learn about her anyways. So start asking lighter questions, even ones that might result in fun backstories. Find the things you have in common to give thoughts and conversation that isn't just full of questions. Here are some more examples of questions to ask:
- Do you have any nicknames?
- If you could be anyone for a day, who would it be and why?
- What's a place you've always wanted to travel to?
- Are you from around here?
- What is your dream job?
- Do you prefer the city or the country?
- What's one thing you can't live without?
- What's your idea of a perfect day in your life?
- Is there anyone you look up to?
- What is your favorite restaurant in the area?
A girl can still say no, though. She may not want to talk at all, and she may brush you off. She could be uninterested, have a significant other, or just isn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Sometimes, all women want is to be left alone. Social batteries can drain for anyone, and people who push against that won't be remembered fondly. And that is completely fine. You can bounce back from that in no time. Knowing when to stop the conversation is another important thing that you'll have to learn.
That comes with practice and becoming more self-aware. The last thing you want to do to the girl you like is to overwhelm her. The key is to keep things light-hearted so that there is no pressure in the conversation. Girls don't want to be pushed into anything, and it isn't your call to do that anyways. And if things are kept light and breezy, the thought of a possible rejection won't seem like a big deal at all.
Don't forget that she is human, just like you. Don't put her up on a pedestal and idolize her, and most girls aren't going to want that. It's okay to feel nervous or shaky. You may even be awkward and fumble over some words. But you must act like yourself and trust that you are worth it. If she ends up not interested, then it simply wasn't meant to be.
It can be okay to be friends first, so see this as an opportunity to make a great friend and to have a new person in your life. And if things do work out, remember the things she is saying. Listening to her and making an effort to remember what she has said is a great way to always stay on her good side. It is a simple thing but will take you miles in any relationship.
Treat her as though her thoughts are of value, and show her that you find what she has to say important enough to keep in the back of your mind, even when she isn't around.