First Date Red Flags

Red flags are pesky little things a lot of us tend to ignore. Warning signs we often see, but turn our heads the other way, to continue to date blissfully unaware of issues that may arise. However, recognizing red flags on the first date can save you a lot of trouble, so pay close attention and learn how to recognize them.

What Are Red Flags?

Red flags can be taken as an indicator that something is wrong/might not work out. In dating, it’s likely a sign that the person you are interested in is problematic or will present inconveniences while dating. It’s a warning, a metaphor for something letting you know there is an underlying issue.

Importance of Identifying Red Flags on a First Date

Identifying red flags on the first date is of utmost importance because, if you don’t, issues will arise later on. Sure, nobody’s perfect, and that’s okay, but some issues shouldn’t be ignored. 

1. To save yourself time. You can call it quits after the first date by identifying red flags right off the bat.
2. To save yourself the trouble. Red flags are negative things about the person, which shouldn’t be ignored, so save yourself the trouble and identify them as soon as possible.

Red Flags on a First Date

• They don’t consider your schedule. They don’t ask about your schedule to program the date, and they automatically assume you will do anything to be free on the day and at the time they choose. 
• They don’t ask anything. They don’t really ask anything, and they rather inform you of what will be happening. That’s sweet if they’re planning a surprise, but other than that, how you feel about things should be taken into consideration.
• They go too fast. It’s the first date, and they’re already talking about getting married and having kids? Too much too soon, major red flag, they barely know you, how could they have a clear idea of what they want with you in the future, besides maybe going on a second date. 
• They won’t get off their phone. If they’re looking at their phone the whole night, are they really even on a date with you or with their phone? The least they could do is give you their attention on the first date, unless, of course, there is an urgent matter. 
• Jealousy. They should have no reason to be jealous on the first date, they haven’t even gotten to know you, and they’re already expressing possessive, jealous attitudes? Major red flag. 
• Intimacy on the first date. This could or could not be a red flag, and it depends on what you’re comfortable with. But if they’re too pushy about it, consider it a red flag. They likely only want to sleep with you and move on to the next. If you’re okay with that, then perhaps it’s not a red flag, but it very well could be for many people. 
• Self-centered. They only talk about themselves the whole night. A good conversation should bounce between the two of you and get to know each other.

Behaviors Disguised as Red Flags

Watch out for these commonly mistaken behaviors that are actually red flags. These could be easily missed because they don’t seem so bad. The first couple of times you encounter the behaviors. Keep an eye out for these and other behaviors that are actually red flags.

• They don’t let you make your own decisions, even the simplest ones. It might seem endearing that they want to order for you at the restaurant, but you have an opinion, and it should be valued.
• They’re too easygoing. A possible synonym for lacking personality. It’s one thing to be easygoing, but if they never take the lead, it’s a red flag. 
• They are too opinionated. Are they too opinionated, or are they too critical, negative, or picky? 
• They are never punctual. You have to admit, and it gives a pretty bad impression if you’re not punctual on the first date. If this is how they are now, they likely never will be punctual. Don’t be patient, don’t expect them to change, see it for what it is, they don’t care to be on time, and they never will. 

Pros and Cons of Identifying Red Flags on the First Date

The pros about identifying red flags on the first date are obvious. It means you save yourself the trouble of finding out what your date red flags are later on. Perhaps the ‘cons’ of identifying red flags on the first date aren’t really cons, but you should be careful not to overanalyze bad qualities and mistake them for cons.

Pros of identifying red flags on the first date

• You won’t be wasting your time.
• You won’t catch feelings only to be let down later.
• You’ll save yourself the heartache of falling for someone who is showing red flags so soon.

Cons of identifying red flags on the first date

• Possibly confusing a bad quality as a red flag.
• If you’re strictly casually dating and not looking for anything serious, red flags aren’t usually a big deal.

Bad Qualities That Could Be Confused as Red Flags on a First Date

If you overanalyze someone’s bad qualities, you could easily think they are actually red flags, but in reality, you were likely just overthinking. Make sure you can differentiate overthinking and real red flags. Remember, a red flag is sort of like a deal-breaker, a quality so bad that it shouldn’t be ignored.

• They interrupt you while you’re talking. This could easily be a bad habit, that if brought to their attention, they make a conscious effort to stop doing it.
• If they aren’t in the best mood. Although it’s definitely not ideal to be in a bad mood on a first date, everyone has bad days. So long as they are putting in the effort to have a nice time and aren’t showing signs of real anger issues, or violent behavior, that’s what really matters. You could give them another opportunity because this is likely just a bad moment and not a red flag.

Are Red Flags Negotiable or Non-Negotiable?

Almost every time, red flags are non-negotiable. After all, they have to be extremely bad qualities to be considered red flags. But what if you really like everything about the person you just went on a first date with? Could a small red flag be negotiable? It really depends on what it is, and at the end of the day comes down to if it is something you can look past or not.

There are many red flags you definitely should not look past, but there are also small red flags that you could possibly look past if the person is checking off all your boxes. 

• It turns out they are friends with an ex. This shouldn’t be a big deal if they are open and honest about it.
• They are slow texters. Perhaps leading up to the date or while texting afterward, they take a while to respond. Chances are, they have a life, and it’s really nothing to worry about. People can be busy or not look at their phones as much as you might.
• They are talking too much. It is very likely that they are trying to overcompensate by talking a lot because they are simply nervous, don’t let this taint your opinion, and give them another chance after this first date.

Concluding

Red flags are bad things, they should be avoided, and you should know what common ones are, so you can easily spot them and head in the other direction. A first date can tell you a lot about a person, and it can also be overwhelming, so don’t go into it overanalyzing every little thing in case it happens to be a red flag. Know how to differentiate between quirks or bad qualities and red flags. The best tip is to go into the first date with an open mind and really think about the other person and how it went once the date is over.

Then you can figure out if they have any red flags you should be concerned about. When thinking about that, try to differentiate what their possible bad behaviors are, what their red flags are, what could improve if you were to mention something, what would stay the same, and use the information you gather by answering those questions to make your final decision determining if this person showed one or more red flags.