How to Hold a Conversation

A conversation is when you talk with someone for a short or long period of time, but it’s something more than just exchanging a few words. A healthy conversation involves more than just speaking, but rather speaking with purpose while allowing other people to join in on the conversation and be respectful and actively listen to one another.

Many people struggle with holding a conversation and knowing how is important. You want to know how to hold a conversation because it can allow you to get to know a person better, which can provide opportunities you weren’t expecting, or you may build friendships or relationships as a result of getting the chance to have a proper conversation with someone.

Reasons Why You Struggle to Hold a Conversation

Below are some of the reasons you might find it hard to hold a conversation. Take a moment to analyze if these factors impact your ability to hold a conversation and address them accordingly.

You have social anxiety.

Social anxiety is very common and nothing to be ashamed of. It is when a social situation, such as being around other people and having to talk to them, cause anxiety, in other words, anxiety triggered by a social situation. Although it can be frustrating to experience this kind of anxiety when all you want to do is to be able to carry on a conversation with someone so you can socialize, there are ways you can overcome this.

Try to take small steps in the right direction so you can start feeling more comfortable in social situations. For example, it might make it easier to go to a gathering where there are people you know instead of a gathering where you barely know anyone there.

If you already know the people around you, you can focus on holding the conversations you are having with them, and you won’t have to worry about everything that meeting someone new entails.

You have a negative mindset.

Your mindset will be the main deciding factor in how a conversation will go for you. If you think it will go poorly, you are preparing yourself to expect that, so you might not try as hard to hold the conversation or have a good conversation.

Practice positive self-talk before having a conversation you hope goes well. This will allow you to hold the conversation with ease or give you a much better chance of doing so.

You don’t know how to.

The most basic reason you might not be able to hold a conversation is simply because you don’t know how to. You have nothing to worry about because with the tips for holding a conversation mentioned below, you will be able to have successful and lasting conversations before you know it.

Make sure to be aware of your tone of voice and body language while you have a conversation with someone, those factors also greatly impact your ability to hold a conversation.

How to Hold a Conversation

Follow these tips to learn how to hold a conversation.

1. Talk about your day.

Start the conversation by sharing the things that have happened to you during the day. Make sure you are talking about things that are interesting, not mundane happenings.

This is a good topic to begin with because it allows the other person to hear a little bit about you, and then you have the chance to ask about their day. Hopefully from what you share or what they share, you can branch off into other topics.

2. Actively listen.

Make sure you avoid distractions and you can direct your attention to the conversation you are having. Actively listening means you are paying attention to what the other person is saying throughout the entire time they are speaking, and you can comment on what they said with relative information, or ask questions that can allow them to further expand.

3. Ask open-ended questions.

An open ended question is a question that allows for an answer that is more than ‘yes’ or ‘no’. When you ask simple yes or no questions, you encounter somewhat of a dead end in the conversation because it makes it harder to maintain the conversation when it’s not naturally inviting to continue.

4. Ask for their opinion on a popular matter.

Everyone is up to date on popular things that are currently going on in the world, so asking for their opinion can allow for a healthy debate on what each of you thinks of the matter, or perhaps you share the same point of view.

If for some reason they don’t know about the popular matter you choose to bring up, that’s okay too, you can tell them all about it, which will extend the conversation, and then you can both talk about it some more, now that they are informed.

5. Ask about common relatives.

If you are trying to hold a conversation at a family gathering, you can ask about relatives you have in common. Ask them if they heard about so and so, or what they think happened in a certain situation regarding a specific relative. Since these are people you both know, it will allow for you both to have things to say about them.

6. Use the ‘tell me more’ line.

To get someone to expand on a subject you are interested in hearing more about, ask them to tell you more. You should be cautious with how often you use this line. When used too many times, it will make you come off as uninterested, and like you’re just saying that so you don’t have to think of a better answer. Avoid being repetitive with it.

7. Talk about their past weekend.

Everyone tends to do more interesting things on a weekend, so asking about their weekend could bring excitement to the conversation. Perhaps they went to a good concert, saw an interesting movie, or went out with someone new. This is a good topic that allows for the conversation to go in different directions, making it easier to hold the conversation.

8. Have conversation starters ready to go.

In the back of your mind, think of some conversation starters you can use. The good things about conversation starters is that they can be used for more than just beginning a conversation. They can also be used when the conversation is starting to die down, to get it back up again.

9. Include feelers.

A feeler is basically a question that lets you figure out what other people think or how they feel about other people. If it allows you to feel out how someone feels, it’s a feeler.

For example, if you say something like ‘The weather is great, don’t you think?’ this would allow you to know how they feel about the weather, making it a feeler question. You can use this kind of question towards the beginning of a conversation, especially to get an idea of what their headspace is like at that moment.

Things to Keep in Mind When Holding a Conversation

It’s not just about what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it. You could be saying all the right things to sound interesting, but if you have a bad tone or your body language isn’t giving a positive message, you’re missing two key components.

Tone of voice.

The tone of voice you use in your conversation is very important. You need to be conscious that you’re maintaining a tone of voice that comes off positively no matter what. Sometimes, if you feel uncomfortable or unhappy throughout the conversation, it might show in your tone of voice, even if you continue the conversation as if that weren’t the case.

So make sure you are aware of how you are speaking. Something that goes along with tone worth mentioning is the speed and volume of how you speak. It is more likely for you to be more successful holding a conversation if you’re not talking too fast or too slow and if you keep a good volume.

When having a conversation with someone, if those things are bothering them, they will probably want to end the conversation sooner rather than later, so just try to be conscious of that, and keep the tone, speed, and volume in check.

Body language.

Although you might not realize it, body language is just as important as the other two components we’ve mentioned, tone of voice and what you say. It’s beneficial to have good posture, avoid crossing your arms, and face the person you are speaking to so they know you are interested in having a conversation with them.

Believe it or not, even if you’re having a very interesting conversation with the best tone of voice, if your body language doesn’t seem inviting and instead closes you off or makes you seem unapproachable, you will have a hard time holding a conversation.

Ending

It might seem overwhelming to think about how you will successfully hold a conversation, but just practice everything we mentioned above, and you’ll be on your way to maintaining all of the conversations you want.

The most important thing you need to remember when trying to keep a conversation going is to ask open-ended questions, be a good listener, and have the best tone of voice and body language.